Essay: Abortion is Wonderful
Amanda Zurawksi and Josh Zurawski (L) speak about reproductive rights on the first day of the Democratic National Convention (DNC) at the United Center in Chicago on Aug. 19, 2024. (Mandel Ngan / AFP via Getty Images)
Read also: The Wonder Chronicle 17-On Abortion
Abortion is not a bonus or a reward we must earn.
In the first Democratic National Convention since the Supreme Court of the United States overturned Roe v Wade, three women shared abortion experiences that are important to hear. The women are undoubtedly brave for sharing their stories–over and over, as they do on the campaign trail as key surrogates for the Democratic Party, campaigning in support of Vice President Kamala Harris. Their testimonials are harrowing, relaying the toll that fetal abnormalities, miscarriage, and rape have on pregnant people when abortion is criminalized.
And still I waited for a fourth narrative from a woman who had not suffered for her abortion; a woman like me.
In 1996, I had an ‘illegal’ abortion in Egypt. For breaking the law, I could have been sent to prison for six months to three years. The doctor who performed the procedure could have faced three to 15 years in prison. My then-boyfriend and his cousin could have faced prison time for helping me find a doctor willing to provide abortion care, and for driving me to his clinic to get an abortion.
In 2000, I had a ‘legal’ abortion in Seattle, in the United States. Now that the Supreme Court has overturned the federal protection of abortion by striking down Roe v Wade, pregnant people seeking abortion care in various states across the US could face punishments similar to the ones I did in Egypt.
I use inverted commas around “illegal” and “legal” because I reject the State’s attempt to control my uterus. I reject its power to declare what is “legal” or “illegal” when it comes to my abortions. The State–and the Supreme Court–can fuck off with its opinions about what I can and can’t do with my uterus. That control belongs to me.
Abortion is not a bonus or a reward we must earn.
I was not raped. I was not sick. The pregnancies did not threaten my life. I did not already have children. I just did not want to be pregnant. I did not want to have a child. And so I had two abortions.
I am glad I had my abortions. They gave me the freedom to live the life I have chosen.
When the only abortion narratives deemed acceptable preface the procedure with pain, it is as if women are pleading for a mercy and forgiveness that belongs to no one to give; as if they have to prove they are “worthy” of the abortion–whether by virtue of the pain they had endured in becoming pregnant (through rape or incest) or the pain they would endure by carrying the pregnancy to term. It is as if they have to prove their abortion was a “good” one because they were “good.”
My abortions were no tragedy for me. They gave me the freedom to live the life I have chosen.
I chose myself instead. That was exactly why I had two abortions.
Abortion bans are intent on punishing us for daring to take ownership of our bodies and our sexual desire outside of what is considered “norms.” They aim to police our bodies and punish us for sex outside of marriage between a man and a woman.
Recognizing that, we must demand nothing short of abortion on demand: safe and free and on demand.
It is imperative that we pay attention to what are known as rape exceptions to abortion bans. In countries with prohibitive abortion laws, an exception is at times made in the case of a pregnancy that resulted from rape or incest.
That is not good enough.
Rape exceptions want to save women from enforced sex by saving them from enforced pregnancy.
Abortion bans want to punish women for desire and pleasure by forcing upon them pregnancy. Fucking is personal and political and its consequences especially so.
When the only abortion narratives deemed acceptable preface the procedure with pain, it is as if women are pleading for a mercy and forgiveness that belongs to no one to give; as if they have to prove they are “worthy” of the abortion
An unwanted pregnancy should not be considered punishment for a sex drive or a determination to have consensual sex outside of the rules of patriarchy. A hierarchy around abortion is hideous and must be rejected. Abortion must be available to all who want it, regardless of how they became pregnant.
We do not owe anyone an explanation or a reason for our abortion. Much like we insist on rejecting the “worthy victim” scenario of sexual assault, so too must we reject the “worthy recipient” of an abortion.
I share my abortion stories with the zeal of someone freshly liberated from their former shackles of secrecy and shame. For as long as patriarchy can shroud abortion with silence, it will continue to stamp it in shame. So I broke my silence to break free of shame.
And until the public sharing of abortion stories includes people like me, who had abortions because we did not want to be pregnant, and not just those who suffered for/earned their abortion, then the patriarchy will continue to shroud an abortion narrative like mine with silence, and will continue to stamp it in shame.
I will not be silent. I refuse the shame.
We do not owe anyone an explanation or a reason for our abortion. Much like we insist on rejecting the “worthy victim” scenario of sexual assault, so too must we reject the “worthy recipient” of an abortion.
“Sometimes, the only way to create change for the future is by telling our stories from the past–and the present,” writes Dr. Meera Shah You’re the Only One I’ve Told: The Stories Behind Abortion, in which she shares the personal narratives of people who have had abortion but who have rarely if ever told anyone.
Dr. Shah is of South Asian descent and three of the people whose abortion stories she shares also come from South Asian families, one of whom is Muslim. I enthusiastically blurbed Dr. Shah’s book because the narratives are vital and because she is one of the few women of colour doctors I know of who write openly about providing abortion care.
I finally wrote about my own abortions after I read her book because the three women of South Asian descent told Dr. Shah that not seeing more women from their ethnic background in abortion narratives made their abortions lonelier and harder.
Abortion bans are driven by zealots and puritans – the day-to-day dictators who enforce that tyranny of ‘what will people say?’ What if we stopped hiding? What if we met the tyranny of ‘what will people say?’ with the audacity of visibility?
For those whose abortions were traumatic, the secrecy around abortion compounds the difficulty and the sense of isolation at exactly the time when the solace of community is most needed.
The personal is much more dangerous than the political because the former is ruled by the day-to-day tyranny of ‘what will people say?’; a collaboration of social silencing so complete it leaves the most effective state security services envious of its ability to control.
Whether an abortion was a relief or a source of trauma, it is important to liberate it from that tyranny by understanding what underpins abortion bans and, by extension, the secrecy around abortion.
For as long as patriarchy can shroud abortion with silence, it will continue to stamp it in shame. So I broke my silence to break free of shame.
Abortion bans are driven by zealots and puritans. We must not dance to their agenda but instead fuck to our heart’s content whomever (with their consent, obviously) and whenever, secure in the knowledge and the right to determine the consequences.
Abortion bans are driven by zealots and puritans – the day-to-day dictators who enforce that tyranny of ‘what will people say?’ What if we stopped hiding? What if we met the tyranny of ‘what will people say?’ with the audacity of visibility?
Abortion Goddess, Pyaari Azaadi (Jaishri Abichandani), 2016-2018
One of the most striking depictions of that visibility that I’ve ever seen is Shrine to the Abortion Goddess by artist Pyaari Azaadi (formerly known as Jaishri Abichandani), which she says she made “to bless all the women who chose themselves instead.”
I chose myself instead. That was exactly why I had two abortions.
Those of us from countries that criminalize abortion–in my case Egypt and the U.S. depending on in which state you live–which are intent on punishing us for daring to take ownership of our bodies and our sexual desire outside of the “norms,” we must hear from more people who say that, from those who chose abortions because they did not want to be pregnant.
That’s it.
The U.S. elevates individualism–at times, almost to a pathological level. Remember the way right-wing supporters of Donald Trump co-opted the pro-abortion “My body my choice” to justify their refusal to get the Covid-19 vaccine for example. And yet such individualism is off limits, it seems, to women who chose to have abortions because they did not want to be pregnant–those who say “I chose me.”
The most subversive thing a woman can do is to talk about her life as if it matters.
Because it does.
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Mona Eltahawy is a feminist author, commentator and disruptor of patriarchy. She is editing an anthology on menopause called Bloody Hell! And Other Stories: Adventures in Menopause from Across the Personal and Political Spectrum. Her first book Headscarves and Hymens: Why the Middle East Needs a Sexual Revolution (2015) targeted patriarchy in the Middle East and North Africa and her second The Seven Necessary Sins For Women and Girls (2019) took her disruption worldwide. It is now available in Ireland and the UK. Her commentary has appeared in media around the world and she makes video essays and writes a newsletter as FEMINIST GIANT.
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