Essay: Bloody Hell! And Other Stories
Cover designed by Mecob, with kind permission from Sheyam Ghieth
When writers say everything that happens to us is material, a uterine biopsy–alternatively known as the MOST FUCKING PAINFUL THING YOU WILL EVER EXPERIENCE–is not what we aim for but it is what I got.
So there I was, legs spread out and feet up in a stirrup on Monday afternoon, telling my OB/GYN physician that I am editing an anthology on menopause and that what she was about to do me was “material.” And on her count of three, I coughed so that my cervix would open and allow a straw-like instrument entry into my uterus from where it sucked out clumps of cells that will be sent to a lab to test for cancer.
Please note that this was done WITHOUT ANESTHETIC.
At that point, whatever eloquence I had brought with me into the clinic abandoned me and I was reduced to “Oh my God! Fuck! It hurts, it hurts so much, Dr. C!”
“Treat yourself,” Dr. C advised after the volcanic-hot pain subsided and I was able to sit up again.
With an estimated 1.5 billion people who will experience menopause by 2025, who is speaking about menopause and who are the headlines targeting?
And now here I am, less than 24 hours later, with news perhaps more exciting than going a full 12 months without a period: I have joined forces with the wonderful, award-winning publisher Unbound to launch Bloody Hell! And Other Stories: Adventures in Menopause from Across the Personal and Political Spectrum.
I’ve long been a fan of Unbound’s pioneering publishing model. The crowdfunding allows authors to write the book they want to write and which readers will want to read. With Unbound, readers choose which books get written and published by pledging support. If they reach the funding target, then production can begin as with any traditional publisher. As an anarchist who has a love-hate relationship with the publishing industry, I am especially excited by that collaborative publishing model
In return for supporting this book, those who pledge get different levels of reward, from their name in the back of the book, to signed copies, or merchandise and events. One level of support can also get you a video of me yelling “Fuck the patriarchy!” Just for you!
The brilliant titles Unbound have published include the best selling The Good Immigrant: 21 writers reflect on race in contemporary Britain, Gender Euphoria: Stories of Joy from Trans, Non Binary and Intersex Writers, and Common People: An Anthology of Working Class Writers.
I did not time my biopsy with the news of the launch. You can’t orchestrate something like that. Menopause did. As it has been doing for god knows how many years now, leaving me wondering “What the actual fucking hell is happening to my body?”
And the point of Bloody Hell! And Other Stories is to wonder together along with other people going through that transition and reading the “material” they’ve gathered along the way. For too long, much like menstruation, menopause was cocooned in stigma, shame and taboo. It has been exciting to see menstruation breaking free of those strictures but where is menopause?
It depends on where you are and who you are.
In the UK, for example, lawmakers have convened an all-party parliamentary committee to explore the impact of menopause, and British media certainly has more headlines on menopause than their equivalents in other countries.
But with an estimated 1.5 billion people who will experience menopause by 2025, who is speaking about menopause and who are the headlines targeting?
I found out almost by chance that perimenopause–the time leading up to menopause–could last up to 14 years. At first, I thought “Are you fucking kidding me?” And that quickly turned to “How the hell did I not know that?” How was a feminist like me so ignorant about menopause? Was I not paying attention?
As a feminist of colour who often must write what she has long wanted to read, I know what it’s like to rarely see yourself during those “moments,” “waves,” and “movements.” Too often when feminism takes that brave dive into the deep end of a taboo, it takes along just a select few: white, wealthy, cisgender, heterosexual, able-bodied women.
When I finally did start to pay attention: lo and behold! It seems that M is also for mainstream.
Some are calling it a revolution. I wish! A moment? A wave? A movement? Maybe! A moneymaker? Definitely, as one business after another launches, geared to a demographic apparently flush with cash and most likely with hot flashes.
It is exactly when the once-whispered moves into the mainstream that it most matters who is speaking the once unsaid and who continues to be sidelined and silenced.
Now THAT I understood.
As a feminist of colour who often must write what she has long wanted to read, I know what it’s like to rarely see yourself during those “moments,” “waves,” and “movements.” Too often when feminism takes that brave dive into the deep end of a taboo, it takes along just a select few: white, wealthy, cisgender, heterosexual, able-bodied women.
Bloody Hell! And Other Stories is the antidote.
If you have ever menstruated, you can go through menopause, a point in life that marks 12 months without a menstrual cycle. Once you’ve reached the point of 12 months without a menstrual cycle, you are post-menopausal.
It is not just cis women who experience menopause. Non-binary people, trans men and other gender non-conforming groups also experience menopause and do so under even greater levels of silence and taboo.
This anthology aims to expand the Menopause Moment/ Wave/ "Movement" beyond white and cis women.
And also, beyond merely the “symptoms.” This is not a medical textbook, nor a guide on how to “remedy” or “fix” anything.
Rather, it is a collection of menopausal people, each with their own entry point into that transition. There are as many menopause stories as people who have experienced menopause, and this anthology will showcase some of them, from people from all walks of life and all over the world.
And I am thrilled to share that contributors to Bloody Hell! And Other Stories will include:
· Heather Corinna is the queer, nonbinary author of three books and the founder of a couple ground-breaking websites and movements, and is really, really freaking sick of menopause.
· Prof. Sunny Singh is a novelist and academic and the founder of the Jhalak Prize for Writers of Colour.
· Ann Marie McQueen is a Canadian journalist living and working in the Middle East. Her platform Hotflash Inc aims to inform, inspire and entertain the global perimenoposse through a weekly newsletter, podcast, social media and more.
· Sonora Jha is a professor of journalism at Seattle University and the author of Foreign, How to Raise a Feminist Son, and the forthcoming novel The Laughter.
· Dr. Jenn Salib Huber RD ND is a non-diet dietitian, naturopathic doctor and intuitive eating coach. She helps women in midlife make peace with food and their changing midlife body without feeling like they've given up on themselves.
· Omisade Burney-Scott is a Black, southern, 7th-generation native North Carolinian feminist, social justice advocate and storyteller. Omisade is the creator/curator of The Black Girls’ Guide to Surviving Menopause, a multimedia project seeking to curate and share the stories and realities of Black women, women identified and gender expansive people as they navigate menopause and aging.
· Tania Glyde (they/them) is a London-based psychotherapist and author working with Gender, Sex and Relationship Diverse (GSRD) clients, as well as promoting greater awareness of LGBTQIA+ experiences of menopause.
And illustrating the essays, is the brilliant artist Sheyam Gheith, who designed the FEMINIST GIANT logo.
My uterine biopsy on Monday was not my first. A little over two years ago–just before Thanksgiving–I endured a “Fuck! It hurts so much, Dr. C!” experience because I had been bleeding for about two months straight. And now, just before Christmas–I’m sensing a pattern here–my doctor recommended another because, again, I have been spotting and bleeding for weeks.
I had been counting, eagerly, towards this October, thinking that it would mark my 12 months without a period. I had planned on celebrating finally becoming post-menopausal. But as I shared in an essay in July, soon after the second dose of my Covid vaccine, I got my first period in 10 months. Back to the start of the 12-month clock I went!
And then in November, out of the blue, another period. And that’s when my doctor recommended the biopsy.
Ten years ago, Egyptian riot police broke both my arms. I can assure you that a uterine biopsy is more painful than that. For my first biopsy in 2019, my doctor recommended I take a couple of ibuprofen. I STILL SCREAMED. This time around I asked and got pain killers. I STILL SCREAMED.
How the actual fuck has no one come up yet with a less painful way to test for uterine cancer?! Asking for all of us with a uterus.
Bleeding is especially concerning if you are post-menopausal, so my doctor tells me not to be too worried as we await the results. But I am sharing this because I know that I often just have to say “My fucking perimenopause” for dozens upon dozens of people to respond with their “Oh my god! I feel understood!”
I call those our Bloody Hell moments and that is exactly why I am editing Bloody Hell! And Other Stories.
Mona Eltahawy is a feminist author, commentator and disruptor of patriarchy. Her first book Headscarves and Hymens: Why the Middle East Needs a Sexual Revolution (2015) targeted patriarchy in the Middle East and North Africa and her second The Seven Necessary Sins For Women and Girls (2019) took her disruption worldwide. It is now available in Ireland and the UK. Her commentary has appeared in media around the world and she makes video essays and writes a newsletter as FEMINIST GIANT.
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